Thank You David Stern and the NBA League of Owners

You really do sound like a super hero league and not the collection of rich white people playing with million dollar toys and trading and buying African American and foreign players like the modern day slave owners that Jesse Jackson loves to refer you as.

So why all the fuss now? Well, you totally f’d up the CP3 deal yesterday. But I’m actually kinda happy about it. Not only does it keep the Lakers from getting the Rook that lands them the Bishop that is Dwight Howard, but it also chips away at the lowly Hornets, owned by the NBA since they couldn’t find a buyer that wasn’t a rich Silicon Valley mogul sitting in a city with a basketball ready arena that’s only being used for hockey games and Taylor Swift concerts. And no disrespect to the City of New Orleans, but I am not in the camp that thinks professional sports helps build up a city economically. Au contraire mon frere, I think they’re all an economic drain with their free land grants, tax exemptions and inconsistent/low paying jobs. So what now? Well, its a lose-lose all around according to the worst source for sports best source for news ever, the NY Times. And then what? Glad you asked. I have the next few outcomes all chronologicalized just for you:

1. NBA officially cancels all trades for Chris Paul no matter how beneficial to the Hornets they are
2. NBA decides they cannot run an NBA team and puts the Hornets back up for sale.
3. No one is willing to buy the team for the $450 million that the NBA paid, except for one man, Larry Ellison, who everyone is afraid will move the team from the 38th largest city in the USA to the 10th largest city
4. The season ends and Chris Paul pulls a Lebron, I mean a Bosh, and free agents his way to the Lakers
5. The value of the Hornets drops significantly without a CP3 and without any of the players/draft picks they could have gotten from the Lakers
6. The NBA realizes they can’t afford to run the team AND they also realize they can’t afford to have 30 teams in cities with no market and no population, especially since there’s only one each of the cities of Los Angeles, New York, and Miami. Larry Ellison calls again.
7. The NBA decides to “take care” of the 5 teams with the lowest fan attendance by: retracting 2 teams:  the Indiana Pacers/Memphis Grizzlies, continuing the Nets to Brooklyn move, allowing the Maloofs to move the Kings to Las Vegas, and FINALLY allows Larry Ellison to buy the Hornets (for the original $450 million he offered) and move them to the San Jose Arena in a newly remodeled for basketball Shark Tank/Hornets Nest (Only $17 million to remodel for bball folks).
8. The Warriors move to San Francisco and free agents actually return phone calls.

If you don’t want this to happen, call up the NFL and ask them how they share revenue so teams like the Green Bay Packers will never ever leave Wisconsin.